is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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