you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No subtext here. People are naked.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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