So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
