The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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