I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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