wakey wakey hands off snakey
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
