How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize