I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
