Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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