i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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