Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
