I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
