So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
