Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
