In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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