So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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