omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
