Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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