cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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