I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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