Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
