My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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