he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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