I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
