Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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