Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
