those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
