google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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