Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
