The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
