btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
