come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
