my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
worst night to have a conscience
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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