So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
