I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My ass is underappreciated
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
