I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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