u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
