Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
