What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
