Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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