thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
