Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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