And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
