just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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