Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
