I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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