i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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