K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
id be glad to
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
