my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
