I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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