You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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