Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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