you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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