Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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