sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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