Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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