Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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