He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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