he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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