I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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