I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
