; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
