I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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