im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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