im about as happy as oj after his trial
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
