Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
