just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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