I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
