Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
