I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
