We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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