I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wear drunk well.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
