Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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