barbara walters just said penis...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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