You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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