is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Randomize
